Heartwarming Homecoming

I arrived home in old Manteno yesterday night. I'd forgotten what life in Bessman House was like.

Mom is making dinner and we're talking about TV shows and these are her feelings. She is now watching reality TV solely because she wants to see someone die. She has stopped watching shows without mortal danger. Her favorite show at the moment is Everest, because she's really sure an actual person (not a character) is going to freeze to death or fall off a cliff or something equally horrible and she's really looking forward to it. Morbid.

This is the woman who is my hero. Or nemisis. Its hard to tell. She's ridiculous. She is thinking of getting her masters degree. Apparently, she's found this "executives program" where you can get your masters in one year by taking classes only on Fridays and Saturdays. Your tuition includes catered meals and sometimes drinks. Come on.

But all this frivolity means one thing. The return of Cinderabby. Yep, Mom mentions that there's a cookie exchange tomorrow.
Abby: Oh I suppose that means I'm baking cookies?
Mom: Its not so bad, look what I have!
Mom pulls out a bag of chocolates.
Abby: That's not cookies.
Mom: But you can make the thumbprint cookies with chocolatre in the middle.
Abby: Can they be peanut butter cookies?
Mom: Sure.
Dad: You might have to buy peanut butter.
Abby: Yeah, like there are any cookie ingredients in the house.
Mom: Oh that reminds me, we also have to bring food.
Abby: I'm betting the 'reminding' part of that is that all the food is still at the grocery store.
Mom: See? She does remember what its like here!

Home sweet home.

Boys, Booze, Brains

I know that many of you (parent type folks especially) wonder what it is I do to fill the long hours away from home. I know that there are rumors that I throw my life away on men, booze and too much fun. Well, its true. Here's the evidence- A picture taken in my room this very evening.
The man with the drink is the victorious Spiderman (his mom calls him Zach.) His worthy opponent is Brennen. A Daquarita is what happens when you have Margarita Mix, but no tequila; and rum, but no coke.

We're pretty wild down here at Clemson, but despite all this excitement I still managed to finish a Technical Writing assignment and teach Jeefe some Statics.

Love to all.

My Mom is the Best

IM convo with my mom:

Abby: did you know the carolina game is on thanksgiving weekend???
Abby: i'm upset
Mom: no, but you will be in Vegas baby. I'm sure you can bet on it
Abby: thats really all thats keeping me from slipping into a deep depression
Mom: well, that is what alcohol is for

She went on to encourage me to elevate my facebook stalking to live stalking. Brilliant.

I was raised so well.

Love you mommy.

A Dead Puppy Named Megatron- A Dia's Birthday Tribute

Dia's birthday is Monday. Her mom said she was sending a gift that would arrive Friday and Dia absolutely must pick it up Friday. No waiting around until Monday.

This leads to some speculating on what the gift could be. It must be perishable if there is such urgency about the pickup. Cookies? Fruit? Liquor? (ok, liquor won't go bad over the weekend, but it would be a shame to leave it.) Dia for some reason says, "What if its a puppy?!" Because Dia needs a puppy and her mom would totally send it FedEx.

So now there is a lot of giggling about going to the post office and getting a box with holes on top that's wiggling. The postal workers would be amused by the puppy that got mailed in from Chicago. Or maybe the package wouldn't be wiggling. What if the puppy didn't make it?!? The trip is long and hard and the puppy is so small and fragile.

After long discussions as to the likelihood of Dia's mom actually sending her a puppy, we go to the post office. Dia fills out the little package pickup card while we continue to debate the puppy situation. Dia hands in the card and the post office lady makes a face. "Oh! This one..." Our shock leads us to tell her about the feared dead puppy situation at hand. She's enigmatic. She neither confirms nor denies our suspicions. She merely disappears into the back.

Dia (my dear girl being the most gullible person on earth) is now genuinely starting to panic about the incoming canine. What would she do with a puppy? Her mom wouldn't send her a puppy! I idly suggest she names the pup Megatron. Seems like a nice name for a cross-country pup. We now collapse in giggles at the mental image of Dia cuddling a tiny ball of fur named Megatron.

The lady peeks around the corner and tells Dia to shut her eyes. She then places a box in front of her. Its not moving! Little Megatron must be dead! Dia opens her eyes.

Flowers. A tall bouquet by Todd Oldham. Not a puppy. I say, "Too bad, Megatron would have been such a nice dog."
The post office lady looks at us in horror saying, "You were going to name your puppy 'Megatron'?" She now thinks we're unfit pet owners.

I still think Megatron is a nice name.

Happy Birthday Dia!

Gaudi - Overrated?

So we're in Spain. And there is this whole Gaudi phenom that has to be inspected. Here are pics of his work in case you are unfamiliar.


Now his work is impressive. I wouldn't gush over it, but it is unusual and interesting. And suddenly it occurs to mi madre that it would be a lot more fascinating if, for example, you had just dropped acid. Even our tour guide mentioned that Gaudi himself was a big fan of the opium. And then it all starts to make sense. Except for one thing.
The way Gaudi is praised to visitors of Barcelona. The man liked the city and left most of his work there, but that doesn't really excuse the audio tour regaling him as "The most universal genius of all time." Einstein, Newton, Plato, Aristotle, Socrates... Morons. The audio tour of Casa Batllo also inferred that Gaudi himself invented the handrail. That's right, before Gaudi man was wandering up and down staircases with no hands! Nothing to safeguard him from 46ing it on the stairs. "Note the round shape that fits perfectly into your hand." Yep not only did he think of the railing, he thought of making it round. Just like Michele thought of making post-its yellow. Without that key decision the whole project would have been a failure. No one would have bought into those cheese-grater shaped railings.

The biggest Gaudi project is La Sagrada Familia, an enormous cathedral in the middle of Barcelona. Gaudi built one side of it, died and all his plans were accidentally burnt in a fire. So they are improving the rest of the building. Gaudi's bit is pretty mind-boggling, particularly because its so massive. And also because it looks like something from Gothic Candyland post-Global warming. Its melting. The other side of the cathedral was done in cubism and reminds me of something from The Fountainhead (a brilliant novel which everyone should read.) The cathedral isn't finished yet, if you'd like to visit it after completion it should be done in 2020. Or 2035. Or 2080. Depending who you ask. That last conservative estimate is the work crew's projection. Based I'd say on Spanish work ethic.

So the final conclusion on Gaudi is that while he may have been a genius, the mind-altering substances made his work a bit, well, ridiculous. In Casa Batllo they had a guestbook visitors could sign. We signed:

Say No to Drugs
-The Bessmans