He Had a PocketKnife and He Knew How to Use It

I know I haven't blogged in some time. At first it was laziness, but this weekend I was without Lolita, she was getting old files loaded.

Here's a story about trying to get that ordeal together.

I load up Lolita and Dora II and haul them out to the El Camino. When I turn the key...... nada. Nothing, not even a grumble.

Damn!

I pitifully call the parentals and feel sorry for myself for a while. Finally I call the police to give me a jump. The nice dispatcher lady dispatches someone immediately (yay Clemson). I was a bit concerned because the El Camino was wedged pretty tight between two other cars, and up against a fence with a very intimidating bush (or tree? alien venus flytrap?) hanging over 2/3rds of the hood. I had no idea how we were going to get in there without popping her into neutral and rolling her into the street.

I was wrong though. The able-bodied policeman manhandled the bush (which may now be dead) and came with industrial length jumper cables that reached the entire length of the El Camino plus a few feet into his truck. Woot Woot!

So I jump in and turn the key and...... nada. Ugh. After several attempts he ditches the cables and started fiddling. And it worked! Apparently the wire that goes into the battery was shorting out. Mr. Policeman recommended I go straight to Advanced Auto Parts where they could trim and strip the wire.

I did just that. I find a little old man and Advanced and splain the problem to him. He comes out and after I help him pop the hood (because he was so old and so small he couldn't lift the 40lb. hood) he tells me that he can not in fact help me. Grrrr. But he knows someone who can.

Old Guy: Do you know Central?
Me: I know of it.
Old Guy: Do you know where the Central Cafe is?
Me: No.
Old Guy: Well you basically drive straight into Central and you'll see the cafe, can't miss it. Next door is MacSomethingOrOther's.
Me: Okay...
Old Guy: McSomething's Garage.
Me: Oh.
Old Guy: You go there and see Mac, he'll take care of it and won't rip you off.
Me: Well okay then.

So I help the little old man pull down the hood and off I go towards Central. As I drive in, sure enough, I see the Cafe. Next to it is a falling down pile of cinderblocks with a 100-yr old sign proclaiming "McSomething's Garage". There are two garagey openings, but no cars inside- just three motley-looking fellers in overalls carrying banjos and shotguns. Outside the garage are about 40 cars in various states of disrepair, scattered all over the property.

I park it and pick my way around the puddles of mud and oil in the lawn. Did I mention I'm wearing a skirt and high-heels? Yeah. So I get into the garage and finally get a frightening mechanic's attention. I splain my problem to him and he looks me up and down doubtfully. I can tell he's about to blow me off, tell me its Friday and they can't help me. He reluctantly asks "What kind of car do you have?"

Mwahahahah. Secret Weapon.

"1977 El Camino"

His little mechanic eyes lit up. "Really? Well let's see what you've got."

So we walk (well, I skip over puddles) to El Camino. Mac gets in there and looks it up and down. He disappears a moment to get some tools (one wrench) and I take the opportunity to call my mother and tell her where I was last seen. Mac comes back and detaches the troublesome wire. He then takes a pocketknife from his pocket and scrapes the crud off the end of the cord and the battery. He puts it back together and tells me to start her up. Works fine. 4 times.

I'm happy and I ask Mac what I owe him. He looks at me, the car, me, the distance. I get nervous thinking about what he wants for his magical knifing skills. Finally he says, "Well, its Friday... Don't worry about it."
Me: Really?!?!
Mac: Yeah, come back if you have any other problems.
Me, happily: I definitely will. It may shock you but this car does not run all the time.
Mac chuckles.

So I didn't die or get kidnapped by hillfolk. And it was free. Eventually I even got the laptops to Anderson.